My cup it runneth over and spills everywhere

Lately I have been struggling with a little discontentment, depression and just foul moodiness. I think Herman has as well. I continue to do my rule of prayer, read the Gospels, read about Saints lives etc. But I still have been feeling empty. At church this past Sunday we celebrated the Transfiguration (Old Calendar) and the homily that Fr. Daniel gave hit the heart right where it was needed. He basically talked about how we all have a home, and we know the address but seldom do we stay there. We are out running errands and such (figuratively speaking), we need to return home and stay there. He prefaced it with saying how much he's been hearing about despondency in people lately. Hmm, had he peeked into my heart? I left church feeling very uplifted and prepared to endure the rest of the fast. We then headed to Golden Dale Monastery to drop off Tansy for what I call "nun camp". We were there only for a couple of hours, but it was so transforming for me. The drive up was absolutely beautiful, clear crisp blue skies, cooler weather and just plain enjoyable. I saw Gods touch everywhere. At the monastery I felt like a little kid again, running around seeing the goats and dogs, chatting with the nuns and other campers. I soaked up as much Grace as I could while there. God is so merciful, allowing me to take home a weeks worth of Grace for just a two hour stay. On the way home I was still floating, doing the Jesus Prayer, singing classic rock tunes and again, just enjoying the drive. Herman, Andrew and I stopped at Red Robin for some dinner as a treat and continued the rest of the way home. I noticed my gas tank was nearing empty so I thought I'd better put some in before we had to walk home. I stopped about 20 min. from our home and used the pay at the pump feature. The pump took forever to clear and finally after about 10 min. I was ready to make the last few moments home. As I am starting to drive out on the highway I see in my rear view mirror the gas station guy running after me. I stopped rolled down my window and asked if my card didn't take, he said I have to pay inside. Well, I got hot under the collar and started talking back to him, "Well why do you have pay at the pump if I can't pay at the pump" among other comments. He kept apologizing and I couldn't stop making my jabs at him. I got back in the car and realized I just spilled my Grace all over the gas station floor. I immediately sought forgiveness in my heart and returned to the Jesus Prayer. How quickly do we become a a part of the world after retreating from it if only for a few moments. This poor guy did absolutely nothing wrong and how worse would it have been for me if I continued driving off without realizing I hadn't paid. Yikes! Now as I write, I see it was a good reminder that the enemy sneaks up on us when we don't realize it and sucker punches us. And my natural response to being sucker punched is to punch right back. Since Sunday I have gotten irritated a few times but am still working at keeping what Grace I have left. The good news is though I get to go back on Thursday to pick up Tansy and will get another dose, I think I'll take my "travel mug" so I don't spill it all at once this time.