Steak n Pizza

A bird in the hand...literally

2008-11-03T09:47:00.000-08:00

This morning is a gray, cloudy morning. One the birds really love. There are sparrows and finches fluttering about our whole yard. They seem to be looking for worms, left over seeds from our harvest and whatever else they may find. I was heading out the front door to the trash can with an arm full of trash. I stepped off my step only to come up to a little sparrow just sitting there looking at me. I was surprised because I know how skittish birds are, especially with movement. This little one didn't seem fazed by my presence. I put down my trash and stooped down to get a better look at him. He wasn't hurt, seemed bright eyed-though maybe a little sleepy. I sat there and talked to him and decided to see if I could get closer. I was able to touch him without him reacting. I started to pick him up and he flew onto my arm instead. He sat there looking at me and I decided to take him to where the rest of the birds were. I was able to pet him, scratch his head (as most birds like) and talk to him. We walked toward the garden where he decided it was time to fly. He flew to the garage window and I could see he was quite a bit smaller then the others. I went to retrieve him again and he stepped onto my hand then gently flew to the butterfly bush with the others. This must be how the Saints felt when they were able to be at peace with even the wild animals. No fear from the animals and only peace from the human. It was a moment that made me smile and appreciate the moments that God allows us to revel in. Amongst the spiritual dry desert that I have been traversing, a little sparrow came and gave me a moment of refreshment. As I'm writing this, the verse came to me about God not even forgetting the sparrows, how He even knows when one falls from the sky. Aren't we more valuable to Him then them? There is a lesson in there for me somewhere. For right now though, I will enjoy the moment of being so close to something so pure and innocent in a world that feels like it is spiraling out of control.

"I thought you were cool"

2007-09-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

I came home the other night from my Godmothers house. Becket was attending an overnighter followed by b-day skate party at a neighboring skate park. Upon hearing that her house was sought after for a "bowl" (large concrete pool type skating structure) I thought about the idea for my house. I quickly went to Herman and asked him, "Would you let Thomas and Carmen put a bowl in our back yard?" He didn't have to think about it. He replied with an adamant "NO". We volleyed back and forth with reasons why and those reasons being shot down. I finally knew I was beat and I ended with a, "and I thought you were cool" to which he responded with a "no, no I'm not". I will not give up the dream.....stay tuned

Chasing Butterflies

2007-09-09T19:42:00.001-07:00

Andrew (3) has been spending a lot of time in his sandbox lately. The box is located in a grassed in area flanked with a garden of coreopsis, pumpkins and sunflowers of all sizes. As I was watching him from a distance he decided to chase something. He started running all around the yard yelling, "chasing bubberpies". Flying away as fast as he was running was a small yellow butterfly. I wasn't too worried about the butterfly. Once the butterfly decided to double back towards him, he ran the opposite way yelling. Then it was the butterfly chasing him. Back and forth this went on for several minutes. Life should always be about chasing butterflies. Don't you agree?

Monday Monday.....

2007-09-03T10:14:00.000-07:00

Things I saw this morning, on Labor Day. At 5am I saw Papa Herman at the front door having come home early from St. Herman's. On my way to work on our school building project I saw a turkey strutting along the side of the road. It looked so funny I slowed down to gawk at it. He didn't seem to appreciate the attention he drew. I next saw a llama taking a siesta in a field, at least I think it was a siesta. I also saw many older folks walking with their dogs and a women decked out in pads, helmet and in-line skates cruising along a path. I saw my husband's smile and laugh. I saw Becket doing a silly little dance that always cracks me up. I saw Andrew bringing candy after candy thinking he was able to consume as much as he wanted to. I also saw Tansy tormenting her brothers, then being sweet to them. Now we are heading to the skate park where I may see Becket drop the 6' ramp, or so he hopes. I'm sure I'll see Andrew and Tansy chasing each other around and maybe I'll see Herman get on his long board. All in all I see that today is shaping up quite nicely and will be a beautiful Monday morning.

Everyone loves a parade

2007-09-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

Today was our annual Frontier Days parade. My Godmother and I were asked to hold the banner for the skate park association while others joined us with their skateboards. Mary used Herman's Sector 9 long board and I sported my old school board. Anthony (who is a middle school teacher) and his son Sebastian showed up as did Carmen the stone cutter and artist. Among teens we had a young man named Josh that doesn't like to anything more then skate he says and Chris who face is planted on t-shirts everywhere encouraging support for our local skate park. Among younger skaters we had a full gamut ranging from Gus who is 7, his brother Owen 11 both who belong to Mary. Becket was there as well as several other boys of various ages. As we were waiting to start the parade the boys were all skating around, including up and down a ramp of a local business. Another parade participant came over to ask who was in charge of the skaters and complained about them skating the ramp without helmets, but when they put on helmets she decided they can't skate there at all. Another parade participant loudly voiced her disgust with our skaters standing on the sidewalk and exclaimed a "Thank Goodness" when they weren't going to be going directly behind us. Needless to say this put Mary and myself in a very defensive mood. These people don't know who they are dealing with, not only are we skaters but we are MOMS too. And you don't mess with the mama's. At 43 I felt like a juvenile delinquent having to justify my existence and right to be where I was. We armed the kids with flyer's and candy to pass out while we two moms took the banner in hand and lead the procession of skaters. We followed the boy scouts and proceeded a big group of cloggers. If you were lined up along the parade route I'm sure you heard me shouting to the skaters to watch the horse "poop" as they were several entries in front of us. It was a very fun experience. Mary and I walked/skated, smiled and did the princess wave. The kids skated and worked the crowds with their flyer's and candy. And Carmen and Anthony expertly entertained both on the sidewalk and in the street. I'm not sure if we did anything to change the image of skating but I think it was good to have us moms and a couple of dads out there. I think what I enjoyed the most was spending time with these skater kids. I got to see them outside of the skate park and without the attitude. I saw them as kids that were just having fun and talking to me like I wasn't some alien from another world. They all had to take turns trying out my board and telling me their skate stories. Even the karate kid two entries ahead had to tell me about his board and his love of skating. He did mention he's getting board with karate and wants to skate more. I somehow think his folks won't entertain that idea though. At one point during the parade I spotted my mom, Tansy and Andrew (who just had to bring his skateboard to sit on while watching). That was fun seeing my family and many friends along the route. I can't wait till we do it again next year. Despite the negative attitudes brought on by the other participants it was a very enjoyable time for all. I hope our presence there will be an encouragement to other families and parents to get out on boards and skate with their kids or at least support them. So next time you see a skater, smile at them and encourage them, remember we're not all thugs.

That's just peachy

2007-08-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

4-5 years ago Herman, the kids and I made a quick stop at St. Herman's and St. Xenia's while traveling home from vacation. It was the kids and my first visit. As we were leaving St. Herman one of the fathers gave us 4 peaches to eat on the way home. They have two peach trees that were full of fruit. We ate them and saved the pits. Once home I tried and planted the pits. I started with 4 pots and 4 pits. Finally about 6 months later and no growth yet, I decided to just plant them outside. I watered them with Holy Water and would pour ashes from our censor on top of the sprouts. The following Spring I had two peach tree sprouts come up and two never surfaced. Each year I watch as they grow by at least a foot. I love these St. Herman peach trees. This past spring was the first time we had blossoms on them and I was elated, knowing fruit would soon follow. Sure enough last week I went out and was able to pick the first peach that was semi ripe. I smiled the whole time while I ate it under the trees. I couldn't help but feel something special about these peaches. I even almost hate to throw away the pits now. Tonight I went out for what is probably the last harvesting of peaches. There are maybe 3 left on the tree. I gathered a whole basket and used my shirt as an apron to carry the rest. My arms are itching like crazy now from the fuzz, which isn't so fuzzy when you are rubbing your arms against them. But what a wonderful blessing this was. 5 years of waiting, nurturing, caring for and protecting from bugs to see fruit. I think there is a spiritual lesson here somewhere. I should have the same patience and attentiveness with my spiritual life as I do with the trees. Maybe I should try some bug spray and Holy water on my feet too. Herman is heading down to St. Herman's this weekend and I thought of sending some peaches with him for the fathers. Then I chuckled to myself, remembering that they were the ones that gave me the fruit in the first place. So I'll pass them along to friends from church and let them enjoy them as much as I do.

The Romenov Prophesy

2007-08-29T10:23:00.001-07:00

I just finished a book entitled The Romanov Prophesy I took it as a camping book and couldn't put it down till I finished. I wasn't sure what to expect when I first purchased it. The premise described a modern day Russia voting the reinstatement of an autocracy. There was a fictional descendant of the Romanov's that was to be used as a political puppet by the so called commission setting this whole thing up. The author brings historical fact about the Royal Family, their relationship with Rasputin and their demise. He also adds some interesting fiction to make for a real thriller. There is a rumor that two of the youngest including Alexi were actually not killed but thwarted off to a hiding place and brought to America to be blend in with society. Alexi married and had a son who produced another son thus having a direct heir to the throne. The race was on then to find the heir and out smart the Mafia. Twists and turns and a couple of days later I finished it. The author ends with notes on the fact versus fiction in his novel which I appreciated. It gave me an understanding of the Royal Family that I hadn't really thought about in the past. After finishing this book I am now starting one called Nicholas and Alexandra by Robert K. Massie. The history is fascinating and being orthodox I have that personal interest. Massie started this project when his own son was a hemophiliac and he sought out other families to see how they handled this affliction. He realized that the Royal Family, themselves, had the most famous hemophiliac and thus he started his book. I am enjoying being able to read some fiction that has orthodoxy touches in it. It creates a literally balanced world for me. I'm still plugging through The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment and will continue for the next 5 years as well.
I just thought I'd share my general reading pleasure of the past week.
What's on your bedstand?

Part 2 of What's bugging Papa H

2007-08-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

Here is an addendum: As I was writing my post I was wondering to myself, 'exactly what happens to the bugs once they are vacuumed up', I just walked outside and found out their fate. Papa H is pouring lighter fluid in the fire pit. I am not really questioning as he has lit things on fire before in his pit. But the shop vac is sitting right near the pit, he looked as me and said, "oh, this is so I can kill the bugs now". So apparently his big plan is to light a fire then either reverse blow them into the fire or shake them on top of it. Mind you, both require some wind and he's dealing with flying bugs. Hmmmm I'll let you do the math and come up with your own mental picture on that one.

Just what is bugging Papa Herman

2007-08-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is NOT the bug I'm referring to, but it's the closest picture I can find. We have been fighting little bugs in our birch trees for five years now. We have done everything from systemics, topical treatments, natural treatments to no avail. Every year they come back. We call them "hair bugs" due to the issue of them getting in our hair as we walk under the trees. When they are squashed they let out a foul odor that I can only describe as bad smelling soap. Papa H even went as far as to catch a handful of these critters to take to a dinner we were invited to, the host was an entomologist. He took one look at the bugs and agreed with us, "they're bugs all right". He gave us a few suggestions that we have since implemented. But still they thrive. Several nights in a row Papa H and I would circle around the tree killing each bug we saw by hand, well, not by hand but by "bug killer" tool, till Andrew dropped my bug killer down a hole. We would make several circles of the tree finding more and more. The more we killed the faster they became. Possibly they were sending out signals right before meeting their demise. Papa H has been out there with a squirt bottle of soap and I think he's even tried bleach and vinegar-again they thrive. The latest image I have to share this evening is Papa H. standing under the long branches of our birch tree with a shop vac in one arm and literally vacuuming the leaves with the other. He says he caught quite a few. He's taken this war to a whole new level. I have no idea what plan of attack the bugs will take next or Herman for that fact. But it is certainly amusing at times. I'll know to start worrying when I see charges being made at the army surplus, oh wait! I'm not kidding, I just heard a noise outside only to look out and see him at it again. Big shop vac in one arm and the hose in the other hand reaching up to the branches trying to suck up as many bugs as he can. Now who exactly is bugging who?

My cup it runneth over and spills everywhere

2007-08-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been struggling with a little discontentment, depression and just foul moodiness. I think Herman has as well. I continue to do my rule of prayer, read the Gospels, read about Saints lives etc. But I still have been feeling empty. At church this past Sunday we celebrated the Transfiguration (Old Calendar) and the homily that Fr. Daniel gave hit the heart right where it was needed. He basically talked about how we all have a home, and we know the address but seldom do we stay there. We are out running errands and such (figuratively speaking), we need to return home and stay there. He prefaced it with saying how much he's been hearing about despondency in people lately. Hmm, had he peeked into my heart? I left church feeling very uplifted and prepared to endure the rest of the fast. We then headed to Golden Dale Monastery to drop off Tansy for what I call "nun camp". We were there only for a couple of hours, but it was so transforming for me. The drive up was absolutely beautiful, clear crisp blue skies, cooler weather and just plain enjoyable. I saw Gods touch everywhere. At the monastery I felt like a little kid again, running around seeing the goats and dogs, chatting with the nuns and other campers. I soaked up as much Grace as I could while there. God is so merciful, allowing me to take home a weeks worth of Grace for just a two hour stay. On the way home I was still floating, doing the Jesus Prayer, singing classic rock tunes and again, just enjoying the drive. Herman, Andrew and I stopped at Red Robin for some dinner as a treat and continued the rest of the way home. I noticed my gas tank was nearing empty so I thought I'd better put some in before we had to walk home. I stopped about 20 min. from our home and used the pay at the pump feature. The pump took forever to clear and finally after about 10 min. I was ready to make the last few moments home. As I am starting to drive out on the highway I see in my rear view mirror the gas station guy running after me. I stopped rolled down my window and asked if my card didn't take, he said I have to pay inside. Well, I got hot under the collar and started talking back to him, "Well why do you have pay at the pump if I can't pay at the pump" among other comments. He kept apologizing and I couldn't stop making my jabs at him. I got back in the car and realized I just spilled my Grace all over the gas station floor. I immediately sought forgiveness in my heart and returned to the Jesus Prayer. How quickly do we become a a part of the world after retreating from it if only for a few moments. This poor guy did absolutely nothing wrong and how worse would it have been for me if I continued driving off without realizing I hadn't paid. Yikes! Now as I write, I see it was a good reminder that the enemy sneaks up on us when we don't realize it and sucker punches us. And my natural response to being sucker punched is to punch right back. Since Sunday I have gotten irritated a few times but am still working at keeping what Grace I have left. The good news is though I get to go back on Thursday to pick up Tansy and will get another dose, I think I'll take my "travel mug" so I don't spill it all at once this time.

Meercat Manor at Casa de Schroeder

2007-08-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

I looked out the window the other day only to see Tansy (11) and Becket (9) playing some sort of game together. Becket was trying to balance on a rock, then decided to climb into the tree to stand tall. Tansy was busy digging near him and they chattered away. I watched them for a few minutes then asked what they were playing. "Meercats! Becket is on the lookout for a predator (the dog Asher) while I dig for food" It was the most comical scene. Only at the Schroeder house would two siblings engage in Meercat imaginative play. Gotta love their innocence.

Yard Sales Coming to a Close

2007-08-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today was the first Saturday in many months that both my dad and hubby are unavailable. This allowed my mom and me to go to yard sales. There is something depressing, though, about yard sales at the end of summer. Items for sale seem to be truly worthless and the people running them are just plain tired. All we kept looking for was a small toy airplane and not one was to be found today. We found a small play sink instead. Tansy found a very cool hand made chess set, I found a set of plastic dinner plates and Becket found an expansion pack to a game that come to find out, he doesn't have. There must be a desperation in the planning of late summer yard sales, because prices were really high. Maybe this is their last ditch effort to pay the mortgage with 1.00 tank tops and 2.00 paper back books. At the beginning of Summer we are all excited to be out and about and always find the perfect treasures, the trunk being filled to the brim with unnecessary bounty. But this time of year we trudge from sale to sale only to get out, take a quick look, get back in the car and drive to the next one. We did end the day with fries from McD's though which brought some consolation. The attitude of late Summer sales reminds me that Summer is truly coming to an end. Halloween decor is already in stores, school supply lists are waiting on the counter and there is not a new swimming suit to be found anywhere in town. But I too am considering doing a last sale of the Summer as well. I don't have much either and will probably price a bit high to help pay the private school tuition and I'll probably complain about those that come to my sale not spending enough money or not spending any money at all. And they'll probably leave my sale thinking what a tired looking person I was and how I didn't have any treasures to sell Maybe they'll take pity on me after all and spend their quarter here. That yard sale karma can really bite ya in the butt some times. I need to remember that next time I'm doing a "drive-by" seeing if there is anything worth getting out of the car for.

What's more important, money or literacy?

2007-08-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a quick trip to our local new/used book seller. I had a stack of books to sell and was hoping for a at least 2000.00, I was offered 35.00-I took it. David, the owner and I were commenting on the condition of some books, how sturdy they are. Then he dropped a bomb shell on me. He told me that the new Harry Potter book is made to survive 2 readings then starts to fall apart. Apparently, Scholastic who publishes it does not want children sharing their books, they want them to have to buy them instead. He told me all the Harry Potter books were made purposely that way. I was astounded. What if a kid doesn't have enough money and wants to borrow his friends etc. I love Scholastic, but I have lost respect for them as a company. How sad is it when it becomes more important to make money then to encourage literacy. David didn't know if Rowlings herself was aware of this practice, I wouldn't be surprised if she was. I need to step down from my soapbox now to go pick up Becket from the library, how ironic is that?

Is it already Halloween?

2007-08-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

I opened up my email this morning and, as always, there are little ads that appear. Sometimes they are animated, sometimes not. This morning I was drawn to watch as a woman who was freakishly scary looking due to wrinkles, have them magically disappear with a "miracle" product. I kept staring at this ad as she turned from having wrinkles to very taught skin over and over again. It was like staring at an accident. You know you really shouldn't look but your curiosity gets the better of you and you keep staring. Now this face wasn't just the face of a model with a few airbrushed wrinkles. The artist touching up this ad must have been really distracted because the amount of wrinkles was absolutely obscene. I know I seem to be going on regarding this, but seriously you should have seen this woman. Yikes! It was truly like watching an old movie where Lon Chaney turns into a werewolf with really bad movie magic. I wonder if I can find it again....

Wanted: Friends my own age

2007-08-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about taking an ad out in the local paper, tell me what you think:

"40+ female seeks other "older then teenager" females. Must have the ability to drive self to skatepark. No experience neccesary. Eventually will need to provide own board. Must be early riser and able to skate for at least 40 min. (Anything more and I'm too pooped). Absolutely no gloating about how your deck or trucks are so much better then mine. No haughty attitudes need apply. Am willing to consider long term relationship depending on the commitment level. No blades, skooters, bikes, jogging strollers or lawn chairs. Am desperate and tired of having skater friends that only reach up to my neck. Will provide refreshments after sessions. Please respond ASAP with credentials and picture of your board. "

I gotta get friends my own age.....

A fakie is more then just a skateboard term

2007-08-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

Herman was teasing me a while back about when I was a young teen. I had a really cool room with knotty pine on all walls, big throw pillows on the floor to sit on, incense holders, and a plethora of surfing mags laying around. I didn't exactly bring boys to my bedroom but as I sat there reading these mags I felt cool. I felt like a true surfer chick. Did I surf? Heck no. Was I a beach bum? Maybe for one summer. So why did I pull that "fakie" in my younger days? Not sure who I was trying to impress but I thought if I acted the part I would become the part. I'm not sure why Herman was teasing me about that but I know it coincided with my new found love-skating. It's been a few months now since I started skating. At times I get so discouraged because I'm still too chicken to drop-in on the 2 inch level, yes I said 2 inch. And I've yet to be able to kick turn on the ramp, though I can tick tack pretty good. I can carve on my old school board but not on my creation board, the trucks are still too tight. I learned how to replace the bushings on my Powell and had the experience of putting together a whole board from deck to bearings. My dad got me a two year subscription to TW Skateboarding and I was lucky enough to catch the X-games as a skater free fell 40 feet after completing a 720.
I skate in my Etnies and still head to the skate park nearly daily with the kids, but before skating I sweep the dirt and use my industrial squidgy to dry out the puddles.
So the difference between then and now. I actually know what I'm talking about and what others are talking about. I get excited when my skater buddies (Becket and his friends) nail a new trick. I know the lingo and can keep up somewhat with the more experienced skaters. I actually do read the skating mags and ooh and ahh at the tricks. I get bummed though when I see the 11 year old who's been skating for 4 months keeping up with the big boys. And the 7 year old who's been skating for a month attack the 5 foot ramp and drop in with no fear. I stay away from the skate park when it's crowded with teenagers, they still intimidate me. But then I get out there in the early morning when the rabbits are hoping around and the birds are looking for worms. The sun shines so bright and the air is cool. I put on my helmet (though I feel like a dork) and I start on the top of the park where it glides oh so gently down and turns bringing me into the skating area at what feels like "warp speed" to a 43 year old mom. A couple of pushes and I head toward the 6 foot ramp and guiding my board up with ease, across a bit, then down with the same ease. From there I push twice and make it up the "table top" ramp and down the other side without falling. I do it again and again and again..... I feel good and remember how fun it is to skate. It's not about keeping up with the big boys, or having a dead line to nail a trick. It's about feeling like I'm flying and surfing all at the same time. It's about my kids yelling out to me as they skate by, "good job mom!". It's about their friends that go with us clamoring for my attention to watch them. It's about feeling empowered and encouraging others, especially girls and women, to get out there and go for it as well. Tonight my son has 2 brothers staying the night. At 8:00pm they begged me to go with them to the church down the street to skate. "I'm too tired" I say, "It's getting dark already" I add. But then as Becket says, "but it's more fun when you come" I'm putting my socks and etnies back on to lead the troop down the street. We headed to the church to find out they were having a service so I told the boys we can't skate there tonight. But on the way back we find a dead end with new tar and head down it. The 4 of us skating with all our might, down this quiet street. Having fun and encouraging one another and just enjoying the evening as the wind cools us and the older street surface invigorates our feet leaving them feeling well massaged once we arrive back home. This took all of 20 min. So I have to admit I'm not a good skater, I haven't advanced very much. But what's more important is I CAN say that I'm a good Skater Mom.

Time for an update

2007-08-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

Has it really been since March that I last blogged? So much has happened since then. My sister in law, Diane, passed away this year from diabetes complications. Our family rushed to her bedside in Seattle and were with her as they took her off life support. It was a bitter sweet time for all of us. She is no longer suffering, but I feel a void in the universe now. I still expect to pick up the phone and hear her voice and the tokens the kids have from her through the years are very precious now to all of us.

My in-laws came for a visit this summer. It was the first time they have been up here since their daughter died. It was a good visit and as always ended too soon.

My 43 birthday involved a party that started at the local skate park, ages ranging from babies to my 68 year old Dad. And the party ended at my house with 50 plus people having a weenie roast. My best friend from second grade showed up as a surprise and made the whole day for me. It's been about 15 years since I've seen her last.

Last week, my Mom and I took my three kids to Upstate New York to stay a week with my sister and her family at their "cabin". This cabin is bigger and nicer then my everyday home. The kids had a grand time and my mom and I hit the outlet mall at least 3 times while there. I became very adept at driving NY style and Andrew (3) has decided he's going to be a pilot when he grows up. I did have the opportunity to do a little skating while there. My sister headed my nephew, son and me to a local hill that she thought would be great for skating. She obviously
does not and never has skated before. This hill brought tears to this 43 year old mom, or maybe it was the wind wiping me so hard in the face my eyes watered. Needless to say I bailed off my board half way down and my 9 year old, bless his heart, rode the concrete wave all the way down. Once he bailed all I could see were his feet going a million miles a minute much like cartoon characters run. Once his body caught up with his feet he was filled with pride, but later confessed how scared he really was. At least I'm still cool in my nephews eyes for even trying it.

Well now I'm getting too tired to continue my post. It's late and the kids are still running a muck. Hopefully I won't wait as long to take a moment to sit down to chat.

Oh before I forget, my dreads are still in and are still looking a bit messy-ok a lot messy. But I'm keeping the faith and continuing to wax and roll.

Meme

2007-08-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

Ok I'm back thanks to Belladonna :+) I'll do this one then maybe blog a little about life lately. I'm getting in the mood, or maybe it's just an adyndellin rush from skating tonight with my kids. Ok, meme first:
4 jobs I've had:
I'll try to think of ones I haven't listed before,
1. Interior plant maintences person. AKA a person who drives to buildings to water their plants. I did it once in California as a young adult then started my own business here in Wa. when Tansy was born. I liked the freedom of having a baby and being able to make a little money. I hated being responsible for 4 very large ficus trees that were tempermental. I had TCBY yogurt, US bank, another bank and someplace else I don't remember as contracts.

2. Yard Sale Guru. At least twice a year we do a sale, but I typically do it alone since Herman has worked on weekends for the last 8 years. Now he has Saturdays off and "helps" me. Hmm, did I say help? or hinder? I've gotten the reputation that if it isn't nailed down I'll sell it. The kids are getting used to coming to me looking for a prized posession that they haven't played with in years, but all of a sudden HAVE to have it-to which I have to confess, "Oh honey, I think I sold that" to which I have to hear, "NOOOOOOOOOO that was my FAVVVVVorite ToYYYYY"

3.I've sold Discovery Toys, twice in my adulthood and Story Teller Felt Boards. I think in hindsight I got into these home party things to get the products myself. And once I'm in I have to have every single item there is. Does not make for a good profit at the end of the year.

4. This year I have been the field trip cordinator for our orthodox school. I'll do anything to get out of having to teach. So we went to a homeless shelter, a mission sight, a candy store, a pottery making shop just to name a few.

Four foods I like to eat:
1. Pizza of course, just tried New York pizza last week and OH MY GOSH! is all I have to say. Mmmmmmm
2. Steak that is medium well with a real smokey flavor
3. a good salad with blue cheese dressing and great big crutons
4.Corn nuts in bed after the kids have gone down for the night.

Four heros:
1. Saint Ambrose of Optina-a Saint that has experience in plumbing, depression and living a life for God. All of which I have related to.
2. The Dali Lama-I love his gentleness and his smile. I also love his history of how he became the Dali Lama-spiritually however, we are on opposite poles
3. Fr. Nicodemus-for his humility, joy, sense of humor and Christ likeness if that is even a word.
4. I'd have to add Maria from Portland who is a mom of 2 with one on the way, a wife, an orthodox woman and a skater from way back, she truly inspires me!

Four places I'd rather be then here:
1. On the Oregon or Washington Coast
2. The Black Pearl skate park in Grand Cayman Island
3. Portland with my family
4. In bed with all the children already asleep

I don't remember the other questions and I really don't know who to tag next so I'll end the game with me. Thanks Lynda that was fun!

skateboarding moms unite!

2007-04-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

SKATE BOARDING MOMS UNITE!

Well I finally did it! While on vacation in Seaside, Oregon I ventured into a local skateboard shop. Herman was off doing something on his own, so the kids and I set out to find a skate shop within walking distance. We ended up at Cleanline skate shop http://www.cleanlinesurf.com/home.php?cat=800 where Tom helped me put together a new board. Since I've been home I've skated nearly daily. I snuck off after dropping the kids at school to the skate park. I worked on getting my balance back while Andrew ran up the ramps and slid down them. Becket was pretty bummed I went without him so this morning we took an early morning skate run. 7:30 am we headed to the park before school, this time all three kids and mom had their boards. But again, Andrew mostly ran up the ramps and slid back down.

My Godmother wanted to try my board and her daughter said, "Mom you are gonna fall, she's not that good........oh, wait.....she's better then I thought." Tansy has even spoken these words regarding me. It seems we moms may have a bit of "coolness" left in us. This being said, I've rallied some local moms to head to the skate park some morning to cruise around.

I am excited to be skating again and not falling down-yet

I even found an organization dedicated to moms who skate. Too Cool!

http://www.webvira.com/skate/mmsor/mainpage.htm

I am excited to see I'm not the only 40 something that has started skating.

Another friend of mine noted that skating and growing dreadlocks is a better mid life crisis then having an affair. Hmm, I didn't think of this as being a mid life crisis-but call it what you will.

I love the feeling of my new Vans slip-ons when I'm skating. I love being able to stay on the board without falling and I love the freedom I feel when I'm skating. At 42, I can finally skate because I want to and not because I'm trying to impress the boys. Though impressing Herman is always a bonus!

So for now I've passed on my dreams of being the roller derby queen of the Northwest. Instead I've opted for a more realistic dream of being the shredding Walla Wallan' Mama Juliana.

Look up in the sky! Is it a plane? Is it a bird? No! It's just Mama Juliana gettin' some air on the half pipe. Sweeeeetttttt (said in Becketnese)

dread head or bed head

2007-03-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

It's been several months now since I started dreading my hair. I have to admit I haven't been as diligent as I should in the "twisting and palming" part of the process. Because of my neglect, it's taking longer than normal-I'm assuming. My hair is definitely matted in sections, so this is good. The ends and the roots have minds of their own though. They are the least dreaded and most messy looking. The dreads themselves are varied in their appearance, some are locking nicely, others are fighting going with the flow. So I have loops of hair that are being rebellious. I'm not ready to bear my head to the cyber world yet, but I'm hoping that by summer I'll have the dread look I'm after and not the bed look I'm sporting now.

A lesson for us all

2007-03-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I was visiting our local library. I was in the children's section stocking up on books for the wee ones. The kids weren't with me so I was taking my time, mulling around and basically just smiling to myself. A mother with a young daughter, possibly 5 or so was talking with the children's librarian. The mom decided it was time to go, as she started to walk towards the exit she told the librarian, "We need to go, the dog's been locked up for hours now and I need to let it out", to which the child responded, "Dumb dog!" The child was a bit away from the mom and said this fairly quietly as she walked. Mom heard and reprimanded her with, "Don't say "dumb"! Call the dog an idiot instead"..........."Idiot dog!" the child ended with. I could barely contain my laughter at this weird choice of verbiage. Hmmm, so "dumb" is not ok to say, but "idiot" is. Now according to the dictionary the word dumb is defined as: "lacking intelligence or good judgment; stupid; dull-witted" and idiot is defined as: "an utterly foolish or senseless person.

So with this clarification the question has to be asked, Who is the true idiot here, the dog or the mom?????

Lesson to be learned-before you speak out loud, make sure no one is listening.

Dreads!

2006-11-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

The dread action has started. Yesterday my dear friend, Theodora, spent several hours starting the bottom part of my hair. Tomorrow we'll finish it. I woke up this morning feeling AND looking like someone that has been in the desert for months without a brush. I was warned I would look this way though. How am I feeling right now in the midst of the transformation? Well, I'm feeling hesitant, nervous, reluctant and messy. I rolled my dreads today and put it all up in a pony tail which helps me to feel a little more put together. I've pondered the reaction that others may have. My mom surprised me, actually, with a non- chalant remark that it's only hair. That gave me some hutspa to continue. I don't think people in general will be that into it and will probably wonder why I "did that" to myself. I think some people will think I'm too old to be doing stuff like that. And I think some people may be offended that I chose this paticular hair style to donn. I know that dreads come from the islands and I'm hardly a part of that culture, but on the other hand I sport Native American roots and I'm sure there were some pretty messy haired Indians through out the years. Whatever reasons I come up with it's boils down to just a justification of my choice. It's a little edgy and our society likes to think its opened minded, but in reality when you are looking at someone with a nose ring, or hairy legs, or dreads, or tattoos, or spiked hair, or even incredibly revealing clothes, you can't help but stare. So I'm sure I'll receive looks here and there and a disappointed head shaking from my dad. My in-laws will be too polite to say anything and will most likely try to avert their eyes when talking to me. I was ready for the dreads, but am I ready for the approval/disapproval ratings. I'm not sure. I'll probably get hurt feelings and become defensive but I'm on a journey, and not everyone will like my destination. That's the beauty about "traveling" though, we can all choose different destinations and will have varying areas of interest. And I hope that just as I would never squash someone else's journey, I will receive enouragement for mine. Stay tuned for future pics!

"Endless Journey"

2006-11-11T21:23:00.000-08:00

Check out my newest blog! It's a tribute to travel and wanderlust. See ya on the journey.
www.endlessjourneyagency.blogspot.com

"Dreaded" update

2006-10-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

I've had pretty positive responses to my future locks. I am heading to St. Xenias next week, and it was suggested (by the person who will be doing my dreads) that I wait till I come back to work on them-though I would have my headcovering on. So right now I'm wetting my hair at night and sleeping in a bun. This is supposed to allow my hair to curl and start matting on it's own. But the darned hair won't do that. It ends up looking fairly descent by the end of the day. I haven't brushed it in a week though and will continue that practice till I come home. Theodora, my loyal friend, has purchased the comb, wax and rubber bands needed. She's done the research and is very excited to start my hair. For the time being she'll live vicariously through me, till her hubby comes around-then she'll be next. Stay tuned for further adventures with my dreaded hair.

Things I saw this morning

2006-10-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

While driving the kids to school I saw something that surprised me, then I decided to pay attention what everything I saw as I was driving-here are my observations:

A women driving the car while applying mascara-I'm not kidding. She had the applicator in one hand and was holding her eye with the other hand WHILE she was driving, not even at a stop light.

Streets lined with trees. Evergreens serving as the base color then intermingled were reds, golds, browns and pinks. The colors here are really amazing in the fall.

The bridge going to the college still under construction.

Chimneys spewing smoke to warm the chilly homes.

The bank sign reading: 8:45 am 44 degrees, I noticed this as I glanced down to see my bare legs sporting shorts.

A full time receptionist opening starting at $8.65

Peanutbutter and Butter finger Blizzards were on sale today for $1.68 at Dairy Queen

State Farm Insurance had paper pumpkins all over the windows, while right next door the tanning salon had a large painted window of waves, palm trees, sand and a crab

Wallgreens had macaroni 4 for $2.00

The dollar store was open (so I headed inside)

Andrew throwing himself on the floor tantrumming, pulling my glasses off, hitting and telling me no!

The last thing I saw on my drive was Andrews face in the rearview mirror crying. A look, of knowing he was in deep trouble once we got home.

That was my morning drive.

Out of the mouths of babes

2006-10-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

So this morning Becket is looking, again, at carnival rides for sale. We oooh and ahhed at different ones, including one that was listed for $600,000! Looking at these rides brought Beckets mind back to going to the fair with his grandmother. She bought them all day bracelets so they could ride all the rides as much as they wanted. One ride operator would not let one of them ride on a ride, I'm not sure if Tansy was too tall or Becket was too small. The point was my mom argued with the guy to no avail. Once he was finished with the computer he came out to me in the kitchen and made the following statement. "We should have had you with us when that one guy wouldn't let us ride on the ride since you are so good with carneys."
Guess it's official, even to my family I'm carney material. Guess anything goes now.

Rusty Bottoms

2006-10-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

Herman and a former co-worker coined the phrase, "rusty bottoms", meaning that when a boat is left in dry dock the bottom rusts. They meant it though for us, when we stagnate in life our bottoms, too, get rusty. As I stated in my previous post we decided to de-rust our bottoms. Well, unfortunately one of us is getting out of dry dock while the other still sits.
Herman returned to work refreshed, but the turmoil and spiritual oppression felt there, got the best of him. His butt is rustin' I, on the other hand have decided that I finally have the nerve to do things at 42 that I didn't I didn't do when I was younger. Now, I don't care what people think, now I don't worry about my parents grounding me or telling me I can't. I don't have to worry about what my boss will say about my appearance.
This isn't the first time I had an adventurous year, when I was 29 I saw The Weirdos and loved them! I came home and the next day shaved my hair into a modified mohawk and that same year we ended up leaving our life long home and moving up to the Northwest. Hopefully, this time I won't end up moving elsewhere.
Right before leaving for vacation I took the Travel Agent proficiency exam and finished a travel agent course. While on vacation I realized I had lost some life time fears. Once home from vacation I decided to start skating and dread my hair. Skating, I did when I was quite young, but never really got into it. Now I have found several other moms that are wanting to start skating as well. Apparently there is a beginner night at the local half pipe. So as soon as Herman gets new wheels on his old board I'll take it over and as John M has advised, start slowly. I have to make sure my balance hasn't aged as my years have. Herman suggested I go out on his long board, but I told him I don't want to "cruise", I want to skate! I want to be able to skate the half pipe like the youngsters or at least like the other moms.
As for my hair...I have a friend that I have traveled with for the last couple of years. While we are on road trips we always talk about getting dreads while we are gone, but have never done it. So after our recent trip together we decided to finally do it. I'm going first as her hubby is opposed to it, mine is VERY for it. Not sure what other people will think, kind of don't care. But I've already been told I won't be able to ride in my friends car, because of the bugs and dirt that will be accumulating in my hair. (I'm assuming that was a joke) I think others will just shake their heads at me and assume it has something to do with my post partum depression and that's ok too. As far as traveling, I would like to expand my "been there, done that", especially since I haven't been really anywhere or done anything. I would love to go to Jerusalem, Russia and other parts of Europe.
I am refusing to allow my bottom to rust and am hoping that Herman will follow my lead and be encouraged to get out of dry dock himself.
While eating lunch at Applebees today, there were 4 older people i a booth behind us. They were quite loud, allowing us to be privy to their conversation. They were discussing the cost of nursing homes and the staff that worked at a local one. No one could remember this young gals name, though they proceeded to describe her. "no, not the one with the pokey hair, this one had blond hair and wore it quite attractively. She is kind of short and stocky, but real young.....yea like 42, maybe 45" I laughed quietly thinking how I am just a kid to them. I was assuming they were talking about a 20 year old. I think I lifted my head a little higher after they left and walked with a renewed energy in my step. To think, I'm a youngster....at least to those 70 somethings. So I guess I'm not too "old" to try some new things. Some people will attribute it to my just being young, and others will probably think I 'm trying to be young. At least one thing will be true no matter what anyone thinks or says, I will not have a rusty butt anymore. Now I just have to explain to my 10 year old why she can't get dreads till she's older and to my 8 year old why he can't start getting tattoo sleeves yet......oh what have I done?

A post, A post, my kingdom for a post

2006-10-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well it's been some time since I last posted. There has been a whirl wind of activity for us. Summer was spent lounging outside soaking up the hot weather and preparing for a new school year. This year, however, I don't have to home school. Our church, by the Grace of God, has opened an orthodox private school. There is a wonderful headmaster and assistant teacher as well as tons of support from the parents and church members. I've been given the task of field trip coordinator and Herman has been given the job of "grounds keeper". I am too thrilled to do this as it will keep me OUT of the classroom and away from teaching. The first couple of months have been a roaring success for the kids. They are happy, they are learning, they are bonding and the parents are getting a moment to breathe while the kids are at school now.

The next activity we encountered was a Sept./Oct. vacation to Babylon, or better known as Southern California. Herman and I grew up there but have been in the NW now for 15 years. We left on a Sunday and returned over two weeks later. The only downfall of the trip was I still had to have the kids do math and grammar while we were gone. It was just like homeschooling again.....Ugh! But we made it and stayed up to date with the classes.

We spent much time with the Ma'ae family eating, playing at the beach, visiting, worshiping and "cruising" to the B-52's. Herman and I both laughed hard and agreed this was the best vacation we've had in years. We hit the L.A. fair with the older two kids avoiding the gang activity by attending it during the day-yes we like to live on the edge. It was fun to be a huge fair again and I even almost went to blows with a carney. (ok, not really but I had to verbally strong arm him to get him to give Tansy the giant frog I had won for her) Boy did I feel at home. As we were leaving the parking lot that evening, Becket asked me if I was a carney. I told him that technically I wasn't. My family were vendors in the buildings not game runners. Tansy then added, "oh you were just a carney lover" and I'm not sure who chimed in this next bit but the conversation was ended with "You loved them each time they came into town right?". Ahh children, gotta love em. Ahem, anyway.....We also got to spend a day at Disneyland and California Adventures. It was a day of rushing from one ride to the next. We started with Indiana Jones-my and Hermans favorite. Tansy was pretty terrified to go on and I, the loving mom, dragged her crying, kicking and screaming all through the line and onto the ride while yelling over her screams, "TRUST ME!! YOU'LL LOVE IT" By the end of the ride she finally lifted her head from my lap, wiped her tear stained face and told me she liked it maybe 1%. huh, I could have sworn she would have liked it. I ended my day before the others had with a trip on California Screaming with Herman. The kids were too chicken to go on so we sat them down in one spot together and proceeded to ride this monster together. Romantic isn't it??? Herman even commented that this was the first time we had ever ridden a roller coaster together. As we stood in our spot to get into the cars, I noticed no one was smiling that was just getting off the ride. Another guest noticed this too and I pondered it as I got in and buckled up. I stored my glasses in the secure pouch and became a bit worried about what I got myself into. Once we took off at WARP speed I might add, I knew why people weren't smiling. We hit the loop de loop and upside down I went still at warp speed. I again confirmed in my head ohhh, this is just wrong. We went up and down and up and down and around and up and down again, man this happened to be the longest ride yet. I stopped screaming and fake laughing half way through and just held on till it ended. I wobbled off and headed straight for the bathroom where I quickly splashed water all over my face hoping to wash the last 7 minutes of my life away. The fam still wanted to go on more rides and I slowly followed, passing on each ride-even the jungle cruise. I sat till everyone was ready to leave and I was relieved. Poor Becket kept asking me if I felt better, when I replied no, he would walk way far away from me hoping not to "catch" my motion sickness. We stopped at In and Out burger on the way home. One bite and I knew no more should go in my body. Off to bed as soon as I got home. The next morning I found I couldn't even do bows or prostration without bringing on a wave of motion sickness so I spent the rest of the day relaxing and recuperating.
I think I know my limits now, till the next time that is.
We spend days walking on the pier, playing in the surf, eating, shopping, and taking in all that we could emotionally.
We left the day after an attempted surfing gig-water was way too cold but enjoyed the time we spent with John on the beach while watching the kids do some body surfing. Herman and I were ready to make the trek home but felt a little lonely for our friends we were leaving in Long Beach. The trip home was great, completed with tacos in Stockton and some cultural exposure on the streets of Portland.

It's funny, this trip did something to Hermans and my head. It cleared the fog and atrophy. We woke up it seemed, to our own potential as Herman and Juliana but also to the potential in others, especially those we would have in the past walked right by with our heads turned aside. We discovered that we are social creatures who crave community, though we are so set in our independence. Our goal is to extend ourselves more and bring others into our lives more. We want to banish the fear that exists within us, the fear of falling down and breaking a limb at our age, the fear of looking foolish trying something new, the fear of being laughed at for an artful expression. The fear of our 40 something lives stagnating and our "bottoms" rusting. So for now, in the Papa Herman clan there will be no rusty bottoms-only squeaky hinges that need a little more oil, oil that we will continue to pursue.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

2006-07-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

My 2 anniversary of my 40th birthday is coming up. I approach this day with such mixed feelings. As a child I loved having a summer birthday. To me it was a national holiday and EVERYONE should have the day off. I didn't work on my birthday, I got to eat what I wanted and the presents kept coming. This has been a hard adjustment for me as an adult. I still think the world should come to a halt on my birthday. I still want to choose whatever I want to eat. I want cake and ice cream without me having to plan it or make it, and I want the perfect present. You know, the one that makes you look at it with wonder and awe and it's such a treasure you just want to hold it and hold it. I want to be happy all day and I want the day never to end. I don't want to have to make meals for anyone else, I don't want to have to do my chores or anyone else's chores. I don't want to hear fighting or whining. I was spoiled as a kid when it came to holidays and birthdays so they are tall orders to live up to now. Last year was the best birthday I have ever had. A couple of my dear friends threw a surprise pool party for me at a local pool/water park and I had nothing to do except change into the swim suit my dear hubby snuck in for me and slide down the slides screaming like a 12 year old.
I don't think there will be that much hoopla this year though. I'm anticipating going yard sailing with my mom and I told my dad that a great birthday present from him would be watching my 2 year old while I went. I'm heading to Applebees for steak in the middle of the day and will partake of my booty after Vespers. Poor Herman though, every birthday is met with, "you'd better give me some money so I can take the kids shopping for your birthday, how much do you want me to spend?" and "don't forget I need some money to shop for you" then I reply, "I don't want junk, so don't waste money on just stuff" and "How come I have to tell you how much to spend for my birthday, why don't I just take the money myself and go shopping" and "now, think about who I am when you are shopping....." Poor guy, how is he ever supposed to live up to my expectations. I know what I want but I want to be surprised and open presents, but I want the presents to be exactly what I was hoping for etc. And the poor kids, do I really need another 2 foot tall vase? or a pen that runs out of ink in a day? My birthday brings out the most selfish ugliest passions in me and I end up being so disappointed, in both my presents and myself. It's not the presents exactly but the end of the festivities. The end of my birthday, the end of me being excited for something, the end of looking forward to the day. Once again the end of my too high of expectations not being met. Talk about getting to know oneself....my birthday is the perfect time to see myself and reflect on my sinfulness. So by Saturday night when I go to bed, I'll have a heavy feeling over me, I'll be sad and melancholy. By Saturday night I will have realized I STILL didn't get the gift I have been wanting my whole adult life and will be left with store bought trinkets that can't measure up to my one desire. Well this year I'm just going to just let it out what I want so there won't be anymore guessing, trying to find the perfect gift, wondering how much money to spend.

The one desire for my birthday, every birthday...

is to be 4 years old again telling everyone today is my birthday and I'm now 5!

Quit Doggin' Me!

2006-07-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

So how has life changed for me since I've gotten a dog???? Let's start with the mornings, if I make any type of movement in bed a nose raises and eyes are staring right at me. If I get up out of bed for any reason, then it must be time to officially get up. If he happens to catch me looking at him, that's an invitation to come poke me repeatedly with a wet nose. Well, the sun is up and I'm sort of awake...ok ok time to get up. I let him out while I head to the garage to get his food. He follows me in and proceeds to eat his breakfast at which time I quickly scoop up the cat to feed him out of the dogs sight. Time for coffee, as I try to sip my cup a wet nose again comes to investigate what the beverage of choice might be. I have to use my feet to push him away so I can sip safely. Oh, time to go out again and run an invisible race course.
Getting dressed presents another time of being nosed in places where noses shouldn't be. By the time I am dressed my legs are spotted with wet nose prints. Time to get Andrew up, the dog always seems to want to inspect Andrews diaper to see if it needs changing-which indeed it does every morning. So, again while pushing a dog away I'm strategically changing a diaper.
Breakfast for the kids brings all sorts of complaints, he's too close to my plate, he stole my piece of toast, he's staring at me.... I'm determined to teach him to lay down while we eat. Prayers are done with him laying where ever the most inconvenient spot may be, usually right as my feet as I bend to do a prostration. I finally have some peace while Andrew naps and the dog naps. I think every mom has experienced not being able to use the bathroom without company watching. Now I have two two-year olds in there with me, and EACH one is just as interested in what I am doing as the other. Sheesh!
The rest of the day is spent holding him back while kids go in and out and in and out of the doors. I finally put a lock up high today on the back screen door. Now I can monitor who is going out and in, meaning a two year old letting a canine two year old in and out and in and out.
Bathing the dog was an event as well. Herman hoisted this 80 pound dog into the bathtub for me and I proceeded to bathe a dog that would rather be ANYWHERE but in that tub. I think Andrew would have joined him if I let him.
The rest of the day goes on and evening starts to come. It's a routine of feeding the dog, giving snacks to the kids, requesting jammies be put on, letting the dog out, monitoring teeth brushing, letting the dog in, finding pacifiers and blankets, letting the dog out, getting last min. drinks of water, letting the dog in. Everyone is in bed finally and I'm ready to head there myself. I shower and hop into bed and tell Asher to go to his bed. He heads to his bed curls up and falls fast asleep. I wake several times during the night hearing him stir-afraid he'll be using a couch leg to relieve himself only to find he has crawled up on Beckets bed acting as if he's been there all night sleeping. I pull him down, continue to pull him down, keep pulling him down and finally get his front paws on the floor with his rump firmly planted still on the bed. With one final pull I bring him back to bed and tell him to go to bed. He finally does and so do I-again.

The Dog Days of Summer

2006-07-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

The "dog days of summer" has always meant the hot lazy days of August. Well for our clan, it means that we now have a dog and it's Summer. Our new dog, Asher, came to us on the 4th of July. Actually I met him on the 4th but he came to live with us on the 6th. Now, I have not wanted a dog for the 18+ years I have been married, but as Herman said last night, "You haven't wanted a dog all these years, but you wanted Asher" I liked that sentiment. Asher, which means "the laughing one", is a young great dane/coon hound mix. He has fit into our family beautifully. The first night he slept through the night on HIS bed, not ours. He seems to have had a tiny bit of training, or at least is well mannered. And the best part is, he is pooping in one spot and Tansy is volunteering to continually clean up after him. After a childhood of living with Multiple dogs and being the sibling assigned to pooper scooper duty-it is quite refreshing to enjoy the front end of a dog for a change. Daily we are learning his personality as we have no history on him what so ever. Turns out he is protective....Tansy was being chased by "Pirate" Becket this morning and Asher came to her rescue. He tugged at Beckets pirate duds and hung on as if to keep him away from Tansy. I finally had to bring him inside so they could play out the pirate scene without heckling from the "audience". I'm using the training philosophy adopted by the Monks of New Skete. http://www.newsketemonks.com/dogs.htm
I've enjoyed reading their books and watching their video. They integrate the dogs into their lives without making them into pseudo humans. Since I'm doing the training, I am the one becoming the Alpha dog in my "pack". It's kind of fun and I'm planning on trying this alpha wolf idea on the kids, maybe they'll lay down on their backs in submission too. "I said, clean your rooms....grrrrr" I'm sure Herman will rap me on the nose with a newspaper if I get out of hand. I was raised with dogs, cats, birds, mice, hamsters, ducks etc. So I've been anti-pets as an adult. I have dreaded the opening of gifts the kids receive knowing there will be a frog pond in one, or a fish tank in another. Herman and I had a chicken in our basement for 5 years as a pet, and I had two desert tortoises I raised from hatchlings for several years as well. I've had my share of dealing with pets and their messes. The chicken now lives on a farm and the tortoises reside with a local vet. Our cat, Moses, is aloof and we do have one mutant tadpole that refuses to turn into a frog. I guess it's no wonder I've never really bonded with any of these pets. You can't hug a turtle or play fetch with a chicken. And a tadpole, well do I really need to address him? Asher is a whole different experience for me. He doesn't bite me when I pet him or swipe me with his claws as I walk by. He doesn't smell like dirty pond water or stick his head into his shell each time I walk by. He acts like....well.....a dog. He seems to like me, and appreciates a treat or two. He likes to sit and just be silent and with 3 children, silence is a welcomed change. He makes me laugh and I just like having him around. Well now it is time to head outside to do some more leash training. Stay tuned for further adventures with Asher.

Jesus Christ Superstar

2006-06-29T12:34:00.000-07:00

Probably my all time favorite movie is Andrew Loyde Webber's Jesus Christ Superstar. I have the album, but my needle has broken on my stereo so it's been awhile since I've heard the music. I finally had the chance to catch the last hour of it on the Sundance channel. It was early evening so my children were also able to get a idea of their mothers quirky tastes. I love this movie. It has always drawn me closer to God and brought me to my knees in tears over my unworthiness of His love. I never questioned the "off" parts of the story. I just looked beyond them-until now. I had to have a running dialogue with Tansy (10) and Becket (8) about why Herod looked like a drag queen with bikini clad dancing girls surrounding him. Hmmm, never thought much about that before. Why were there reporters asking questions of Jesus as he was being led to Pontius Pilot etc. I also had to explain the biblical correlation to the story. So throughout the movie I was explaining about Judas, why he kissed Jesus, why was he running, why was he throwing money and finally why he hung himself. Becket watched in horror at the scene of Judas suddenly flinging himself from the ground with a noose around his neck and dying. I chose not to censor anything. Andrew (2) had been watching with us, listening and pointing to Jesus while saying, "Jesus" in two year old language. At one point Jesus is standing in his ragged clothing and is transformed into beautiful white robes with darkness surrounding him. His arms are outstretched. Andrew puts his hands out mimicking Jesus then walked up to the TV and proceeded to embrace the television. He was embracing Jesus and kissing him. I was so moved by his innocence. I thought, "wow! he gets it..."
We continued watching as he was beaten, then finally hung on the cross. In the end the movies ends without the resurrection. Tansy felt let down by the abrupt ending. Herman used the opportunity to talk further about the apostles and how they must have felt when Jesus died, how they too must have felt let down to say the least. All in all, both kids loved the music and understood they used "hippies" to portray the people so there really weren't girls wearing skimpy clothing in Jesus's time. I was pleased they didn't label me as a dork for liking something so dated. I was pleased they were shocked and saddened by the death of Judas. I was pleased they saw Jesus being beaten. I was pleased they seemed to be moved from the experience. Becket was talking about it again today. It must have left an impression. I do hope, though, that he won't be left with an image of Herod looking like an overweight drag queen every time he hears the passion story. I've always pictured Jesus looking like Ted Neely. Tansy will be able to separate the artistic license from the truth. And I think Andrew will see Jesus as he did on the TV. Not as a superstar being played by an actor but as the loving Jesus he knows. Someone who he will never be too embarrassed to hug, even if it means hugging the TV.

And the gifts are........

2006-05-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your kind wishes for a Happy Mothers Day, I hope yours was as relaxing and pleasant as mine was. I started the day without any expectations, which is a first for a control freak of a mom. I lounged around not doing much of anything. When present time rolled around I was met with eagerness and excitement. Tansy brought me a very gold bag with a present rolled up in tissue paper. She told me I had to return the tissue paper so she could roll up the next present in it also. The first gift was a charm bracelet watch---pink gems and things hanging from it. It's tight fitting and REALLY dangles and she announced that if I didn't like that she had something else for me. A half pound bar of Hersheys chocolate with almonds in it. I love the candy but love the sentiment of the watch even more, though I'm sure by tomorrow my wrist will have turned green. Becket brought me two tubes for my 3.00 bike I got from a yard sale last week. The tires are flat and so he is fixing up my bike so I can go riding. And his poem is the following:
"Roses are red violets are blue Mom's are cool so are you! Becket May 13, 2006"
Oh yea that's a keeper.
Andrew and Daddy went in on their gift together. A Curious George CD and a gift card to Hastings. We have come a long way from putting the kids down on paper and tracing their outlines as my mothers day gift.
The biggest gift though, was having a day that was anxiety free, depression free, warm and sunny, joyful and free and just plain nice. That was a gift from God to this sometimes worn out mom. I hope your Mothers Day was just as peaceful whether you are a mother or not, you deserve a day filled with joy.

Happy Mothers Day to Me

2006-05-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

Herman asked me a few weeks ago what I wanted for Mothers Day. I replied "Nothing really". I don't think he believed me though because since then there have been secret trips to the store, code talking between children, leading questions from Becket and an announement of a poem to be read. I think back over the last 10 years of being a mom. I have really blown it at times, and have been truly ashamed of my mothering "techniques". I'm pretty sure I won't ever earn the Mother of the Year award and I'm anticipating a bit of blame when my children are grown and are going through therapy. But there is one sure thing that never changed and will never change. The fact is I am a mom. Whether I like it or not, whether the kids like it or not-I am a mom. I am the mom that they turn to when they are embarrased or hurt. I am the mom they run to when their feelings are hurt. I am the mom that makes them mac and cheese when they are craving it and allow them to have some candy in the morning. I am the mom that gets up nightly to re-arrange covers and replace a pacifier in the mouth of a grumpy baby. I am the mom that makes sure everything is fair at least for my children. I am the mom that stands up for them when everyone else is annoyed . I am the mom that has been cut open three times to give life to them. I am the mom that listens to every detail of toys and adventures I truly don't care about. I am the mom that buys them a Happy Meal when they are sick at home. I am so far from ever being perfect, but I am the Mom. I am the mom they say, "I love you sooo much" to. I am the mom they make homemade cards and gifts for. I am the mom they beg to play games with. I am the mom they want to cuddle with. I am the mom that gets to hear, "You are the perfect mom for me, I wouldn't want any other mom" I am the mom.
Though I may suck at times, I am the mom they are stuck with. I am not just the mom, I am the luckiest mom in the world.
Happy Mothers to Me!!!

"Crap"

2006-05-05T17:41:00.000-07:00

Today was room cleaning day. I tried to make it fun by making a chart that had room tasks and treats for each task completed. Yes, I know, I have given into the parental bribing league. I put on some good fast music and really tried to rally the troops. Tansy (first born) decided she would do her room according to HER schedule and not mine-well then all bets are off. She showed me, she cleaned her room and didn't get treats at first. She finally succumbed to my chart. I also cleaned my room while they cleaned theirs. I think I spent most of my time in their rooms though instructing and leading. Ok, so I was really helping them clean. Complaints were heard through the whole process which started to grind on me. First there wasn't any sugar for Tansy's tea, then Becket didn't want to pick up his two year old brothers toys, then Tansy didn't want to clean her clothes, then Becket didn't want to do ANY thing extra that wasn't on the chart and on and on and on. It was half an hour till lunch. I again rallied the troups to encourage them to do a fast push and finish by lunch. Then all heck broke loose as they just panicked. Ok, so that didn't work. We ate lunch and I was growing increasingly grouchy. It didn't help that Andrew pushed a chair through the house to get to the blessed bread on the mantel, then pushed the chair to the kitchen to retrieve a piece of licorice and continued to push the chair to reach the markers and ended it with a trip to the toilet to wash off his pacifier-Aghhhhhhh! Finally the kids announced they were finished with their rooms. I went to inspect and I was met with trash, and small toys pushed under where I had just swept. I lost it and exclaimed, "I want all this CRAP out of here!!! I am sick of CRAP being everywhere!" and I continued my day. Finally rooms were clean and we were calm-at least they were, I was pretty spent for the evening. Just a few moments ago I was washing a very dirty face, meaning, Becket's, and he proceeds to say, "you know Mommy, you said "crap" in my room earlier" I replied, "Yes, I know and I shouldn't have, but I was frustrated." He continues, "I was going to tell you then that crap is a bad word" I assured him it was a good choice on his part NOT TO. I also explained that grownups use the word at times, but it's isn't a word for children to use. Next thing I hear from the other room, "Oh I'm blogging about that one...." need I say whom???? Anyway I beat him to the punch and am blogging on myself. Hmmm, seems that's a new term now, when you see someone doing something they shouldn't, respond with , "I'm blogging on you!"

What I'm reading these days

2006-05-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

First I have to mention that, on-line, I've been reading about hummingbird bees, wasps, yellowjackets and how to kick strep naturally (I'm not winning in that department).
I just finished reading Inkspell http://www.kidsreads.com/reviews/0439554004.asp
I really enjoyed this sequel to Inkheart by Cornelia Funke. I'm looking forward to the third in the series coming out. I'm in the process of reading Dragon Rider also by Funke http://www.scholastic.com/dragonrider/index_flash.htm I like reading this when I just want to veg out and think about nothing in paticular.
On the more meaty side I'm finishing Wounded by Love-the life and wisdom of Elder Porphyrios. http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/elderporphyrios_dispositions.aspx I have learned much about "love" and what it means to love God and others. Elder Porphyrios is such a simple and innocent being you can't help but smile much throughout this book. It reads easy and fast but serves up good beefy substance.
After reading The Arena http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/phronema/reading_arena.aspx I been on the hunt for The Herald which is mentioned in the book. I wanted commentary on the Holy Scriptures to understand them better. Matthew http://itislaterthanyouthink.blogspot.com/
suggested reading The explanation by Blessed Theophylact of The Holy Gospel According to St. Mark as well as the other volumes. I have found this to be so easy to understand and offers insight that I never would have been able to glean on my own. Following is an excerpt:

The Blessed Theophylact interprets the Lord's words in the ninth chapter of St. Mark's Gospel as follows:
Having warned those who cause offense that it will be worse for them than if they were cast into the sea (Mark 9:21Â22), now the Lord exhorts those to whom offense is given to guard themselves against those who are always ready to offend and to tempt. Whether it be your foot, hand, or eye which causes you to fall, which means even if it is one of your closest friends or relatives, in close relationship with you by kinship or by necessity, who causes you to fall, cut him off, that is, reject that friendship or kinship. The worm and the fire which punish the sinners are each person's conscience and the memory of the shameful things done in this life, for they consume like the worm and burn like fire. "Everyone shall be salted with fire," that is, shall be tested. St. Paul also says that all things shall be tried by fire (1 Cor. 3:13). And every sacrifice, the Lord says, "shall be salted with salt" (Lev. 2:13). It is good for you to season your sacrifices with the salt of God, which means, do not make offerings that you have not carefully prepared to please God.
"Salt" is also what the Lord calls the Apostles, and in general, all those with the duty to preserve others from corruption. Just as salt preserves meat, and prevents worms from breeding within it, so do words.of teaching, if they are astringent, shrink the fleshliness of carnal men, and prevent the worm that never sleeps from breeding within them. But if the teacher is without salt, that is, if he has no astringent to preserve us from rot, with what shall we be salted, that is, seasoned? Have salt, therefore, in yourselves, that is, have the pleasing and preserving grace of the Holy Spirit, so that you may have peace with one another. For he who is bound to his neighbor by love has shrunk his carnal self, and it is he who "has salt," and he is at peace with his brother (The Explanation of the Holy Gospel According to St. Mark, pp. 80Â81).
So there you have it, my current reading material. Looks like a little bit of steak and pizza all at once.

Things that make me cranky

2006-04-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

waking up in the morning-caffeine jitters-overcast days-andrew waking from his nap-the dining room table being cluttered-herman not smiling at me when he comes home from work-tansy and becket fighting-socks that make my feet hot-chapped lips-wasps in my garden-dandelions in my grass-loud neighbors-having to wear my "big" underwear when my good ones are in the laundry-jeans that are too tight-my bra strap constantly falling down-being too tired to get up and move-becket and tansy having very messy rooms.

Things that make me smile

2006-04-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

Laying in my hammock in filtered sunlight. Underneath the blooming lilac tree. A sweet yet spicy scent fills the air as I sip my ice tea. My book I'm reading sits on the make shift side table ready for me to open should I choose.

Standing at the sink washing dishes while a 2 year old runs up and grabs my legs to hug me and truly hugs me as tight as his little arms will allow. It's a hug filled with love, not a petition for something greater. Hearing him sing his bunny to sleep while he rocks him. His sweet little voice saying "Nighty night" as I am stepping out of his room quietly.

Sitting outside waiting for Herman to come home from work. Him going in to change his clothes and coming back outside to sit with me. Early in the mornings when he is heading off to work, he quietly whispers good by and "I love you", I barely open my ears to see him exiting our bedroom wearing his uniform-shirt tucked in just like I like it.

Becket (8) looking vulnerable with his wacky hair that needs cutting, his skinny little body and his dry sense of humor.

Tansy nurturing her littlest brother and holding my hand when I'm feeling bad. Her cleaning the livingroom as a surprise for me just because and buying a t-shirt that says, "Mommy's girl" and being proud to wear it.

Climbing into my big bed during day light savings and the sun is still up. My window being open with curtains pulled back all night. Hearing the frogs singing in the evening and in the middle of the night being awakened by an owl.

The sun streaming in the livingroom windows first thing in the morning, helping to fend off the grogginess of waking up.

Getting a six pack of "hard lemonade" and a large bottle of ibuprophen for Mothers Day.

Pentecost

2006-04-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

I love Pentecost! It fills me with such hope and joy. As a former Episcopalian we used to celebrate Pentecost by wearing red and handing out fire ball candies to symbolize the "tongues of fire" seen in the upper room. We made light of it and I am now ashamed. Pentecost is the time after Christ rose from the dead. He told his disciples He wouldn't leave them alone, He would send the Comforter-The Holy Spirit to guide them. I imagine being there and first experiencing this man whom I love and worship (Jesus) being beaten, tortured and crucified. The hopelessness I would have felt would have been awful. Then seeing Him alive after He had been buried, then knowing He would be leaving me again. What a rollercoaster for the apostles it must have been. Their task was to go out into the world and preach the good news and spread the Gospel. But how would they have the energy and enthusiasm when their "leader" was gone. Thus God sent His Holy Spirit to them. They were all together in one room and the Holy Spirit descended in the visible form of "tongues of fire" above their heads. All started speaking in their native languages but all was understood. Foreigners were able to understand the language of others as if they were hearing it in their own tongue. How awesome this event must have been! Their trepidation and unease must have been replaced by joy and hope and enthusiasm. After Pascha (Easter) I often feel let down, sort of left on my own to work out my salvation. But then I remember that Pentecost is coming and I am again filled with hope. Hope in the sense that I know I'm not alone, God hasn't abandoned me, He hasn't left me to fend for myself here on Earth. He has sent His Holy Spirit to walk the journey with me.
So here we are in the midst of saying, "Christ is Risen!" and replying "Truly He has Risen!" but that isn't the end of the story, for man. For man continues to walk, fast, pray and hope. He has sent His Holy Spirit and Pentecost is the celebration of that event. I won't be wearing red or eating fireballs (Orthodoxy uses green, not red as the protestant church uses)I won't be treating the feast lightly as I did before, I will anticipate it with excitement, joy and reverence.

Life and Death

2006-04-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

Does anyone remember the movie/book Sophies Choice ? It was about a mother who had to make a choice between her two children. She had to choose which child would be executed. I never saw the movie, but knew the plot. I could never bring myself to watch or read it. I had children at the time and I thought often about the choice I would make. Should I let Tansy live, she's older and is so bright, yet Becket is so kind and loving. I agonized over this idea and the movie. This was several years ago.
I now have three children. Tansy 10, Becket 8 and Andrew 2. What would be my choice now? Now the choice wouldn't be who would I choose to live, but who would I let die. As an Orthodox Christian-death is not the end all. It's the icing on the cake. What is it to die? Should God find me worthy enough I will be in Paradise with Him and the beloved Saints I have read about. I will worship him without distractions. I will know pure joy and love without sorrow. I won't experience anxiety and pain and indecision. How could I possibly choose life over death. So for me, my "Sophies Choice" would be a heart wrenching decision as to who would I allow to die an earthly death to join Jesus in Paradise. I no longer fear death, I am jealous of it. If only I knew though,that my motives were pure. If my desire to die was fueled by my great love for God and not because life feels icky at times. I hope that I am not just looking for the easy answer-because give me a little pain and hear me cry like a big ole baby. My 8 year old is afraid of dying, because it might hurt he says. I want my children to embrace death and see it as the goal of our life and not the end. Will I cry though when someone I love dies? I will for various reasons. My children dying will bring me a sweet sadness. My husband dying would leave a bitter taste in my mouth. My priest dying would produce a strong sense of panic. And still with others I love I would feel an injustice. How could I feel all these different emotions for the same cause-death. I would be a much better mother in Heaven then here on Earth, my children would be exactly in the most perfect place for them, my husband would be a great intercessor for me though I would feel left alone to face the world. My priest is my spiritual father and I would feel lost without him. So here is the struggle. Do I trust God enough to allow death to touch me, or will I fight for control of life when the time comes. I have told Herman in the past that should I develop cancer some day I will not opt for treatment, but if he were to develop cancer he better believe that he's getting treatment so he can stay here with me. He didn't think this was too fair of a deal. So goes the struggle to let go of the control and to fully trust in God and His mercy. Should I live a long life I will have had more time to repent, should I die young, then may it be blessed.

Introducing the one, the only...........

2006-02-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

MIA T'WON

All the names were so good I was really torn between many. But this one just seems to fit. Now the next step is to start a league here in the Pacific NW. Mimi, you are in charge of getting a crew of about 12 from the West side. Herman says we can have our meets at the Penn which will be great PR for the prison and I'm sure will boost the general moral of the population. Susansophia you are in charge of transportation over the mountain. Christina you are in charge of publicity. Mull berry I'm putting you in charge of refreshments, keep it easy though, sports drinks and eclairs will suffice. Susansophia, would you ask James to start doing some fundraising for us, should be easy with his connections. Oh by the way, I am expecting you all to be joining me in the rink so better start thinking of names for yourselves now. And the most important job I'm giving to Papa Herman-the designing of the uniforms. Girls, don't be scared, Papa Herman keeps up with the latest fashion trends and I'm sure will do us all justice.

The following link will take you to where our first meet will be held. Papa Herman will make the arrangements.
http://legacy.yakimaherald.com/newsfeatures/SmallTown/images/pen.jpg

Roller Girls

2006-02-08T09:11:00.000-08:00

I LOVE rollerskating. I loved it when I was a kid and I loved it when I was a teen tearing it up at the local skating rinks. I loved it as a young adult when wearing polyester was in and disco was waning. I still love it. When I was young I invested in a good pair of speed skates which were 300.00 at the time, I'm thinking this was probably the same as 500.00 now. What was I thinking???? Anyway, I think Herman has always thought this ranked right up there with me liking bowling and carnies. But still I skate when I can. Actually I haven't skated in about 6 years now. I recently caught a few episodes of the new series called "Roller Girls." I watched with enthusiasm while making comparisons. "Oh, I could as skate fast as her.....she's about my age....I couldn't wear that short of an outfit....hmmmm my roller girl name would be....." I felt my heart beating faster and my desire to be up on that ramp kept growing. I imagined what it would take for me to turn "pro". Could I make the sacrifices etc. Well after careful consideration there is really only one reason, ok two, why I can't skate pro roller derby, well actually 3. The first is: there isn't a league anywhere close by here. The second reason is I really don't like to get hurt. And third: I don't have a good roller derby nick name. So here's where you come in. I need help in coming up with my nick name should I ever pursue this "dream" Some typical nicknames that are taken so far are: Punky Bruiser, Miss Conduct, Venis Envy and so on. So I need some ideas from you as to what my name should be. Here is some of my history and you can go from there.
41 (and a half) years old. Mother of 3, wife of 1. Talks tough but is afraid of pain. Can be sassy but embarrasses easily. Loves to garden, read, relax and eat. Short, in height but not in attitude. I expect some creative, but not crude suggestions-I blush easily.
Check this out for the history of the sport. From there you can "meet the girls" and get to know my sport better.
http://www.aetv.com/rollergirls/rg_the_sport_history.jsp

Isn't a "tag" really just a label?

2006-01-24T14:39:00.000-08:00

Ok, I never participate in chain letters, forwards and the like, but since my husband tagged me I thought I'd better placate him.
So here are my answers:

4 Jobs I've had in my life:
a. Age 7-selling gold fish from large trash cans at swapmeets 25 cents ea. or 5/$1.00 (one of the many careers my parents tried)
b. Age19-floor guard (ref with a whistle), dj, concessions stand and birthday clown at a skating rink.
c. Age 23-mixing 100's of pounds of scented bath salts and potpourris by hand (another family business)
d. Age 24-32-working with severely handicapped and developmentally delayed children and adults (class room aid for children, community intergration for the adults)

4 movies I would watch over and over:
a. Some kind of wonderful (reminds me of Hermans and my story)
b. Joe vs. the volcano (love the orange crush)
c. Under the Tuscan sun (encourages me to work on the house)
d. Toys (I love the big green fields in it)

4 places you have lived:
a. Bakersfield Ca. (as a small child)
b. Long Beach Ca. (small child to adult)
c. Belmont Shores Ca. (young married)
d. Walla Walla, Wa. (now)

4 TV shoes you love to watch:
a. Reba (made me feel at home, when stuck in hospital after giving birth)
b. House (love the sarcasm)
c. Criminal minds (lots of suspense without gore)
d. Jimmy Neutron (what can I say....I have kids)

4 places you have been on vacation:
a. Tahoe, Ca. (graduation gift/trip)
b. Laughlin, Nv. (always fun with Herman)
c. up and down east coast in motor home with Grandparents (1976-great trip for a 12 year old)
d. Jamaica (in my dreams)

4 web pages visited daily:
a. my email
b......
c.......
d.....Don't have the same "down" time as Herman so page visiting is limited

4 of my favorite foods:
a. Pizza
b. Steak
c. lasagna
d. club sandwiches

4 places I'd rather be right now:
a. 15 years in the past (doing it different this time though)
b. some beach in the sun
c. on vacation
d. 30 years in the future

4 bloggers I am tagging:
"Ollie Ollie Oxen Free Free Free"-all are free from being tagged

Not too exciting, just a game of tag.

And the madness continues

2006-01-04T10:48:00.000-08:00

Well I finally finished the book. hmmmm, well I didn't leave it with an excited view of the world and how NOW everything will fall into place. I came away with sort of a sadness for the author who herself feels this pressure now and doesn't see a way out. One chapter was called "Wonderful husbands", it started out with women all saying how wonderful their husbands were, then got down to the nitty gritty about how lacking they really are on the home front. Ok, well Herman is a wonderful husband also. But he is also human and I don't expect him to be able to run this household if I were gone any more than I would expect myself to be able to go to the prison and do his job. Not without the training first. Why do we moms choose to do it ourselves? Because it's easier. How many times have I wanted to just fold the towels myself because when Becket does it they look like a rolling mess on the shelves. Just last night after coming home from a therapy session (another story) the table was set. My first statement was, "Did Tansy set the table?, cuz she really did a crappy job" Turned out Herman set the table. Oops. I explained that Tansy has been learning how to set the table the right way. And I really appreciated his helping, but it might be a good thing if he learned to set it correctly also so we can both teach the children how to do it. Whew, I think it was a good save. That is our nature, to do it all ourselves because it won't get done the way WE want it to. This is one area that lessening the pressure on our family may come in.
Ok, another subject I am milling around. How can I possibly raise my children the way WE want to, and still raise them to be able to fit into any part of society when they are grown? If I am not pushing my children to take on 4 classes of dance, karate, or baseball, and if I'm not forcing Becket to read for a full hour a day and if I'm not playing classical music for Andrew will I doom them for a life of under achieving? Herman and I were talking about this and his reply (which I found very profound) was that we need to raise our children to be parents. Whether they choose to be a CEO of a company or an Abbot or Abbess, whether they are teachers, or lawyers, or artists they will all need the skills of being a parent. A parent has to delegate, challenge, encourage, submit, give in, rally, teach, provide, allow and prepare just as much as any of these other careers would call for. A mom has to know her math to get around in the kitchen as would a chef or dietician. A dad needs to be able to fairly impose consequences when a situation calls for it, much as a supervisor would need to. So now I'm thinking that I can still raise my children in a loving, fun, carefree yet stimulating atmosphere by using a secret weapon that God has given me. It's called: Common Sense.
One last warning though, it's a rough road going from "going with the flow" of society to swimming up stream, without placing a judgement on those that have yet to "turn around"

The Perfect madness

2006-01-02T13:30:00.000-08:00

"Manic cookie-baking at midnight. Play dates as complicated as peace summits. Mother-of-the-birthday-boy meltdowns. Ambien nights and Ritalin days. No sex. No nights out. No sleep. Ever. What's wrong with this picture? That's the question Judith Warner asked herself after taking a good, hard look at the world of modern motherhood, at anxious women at work and at home and in bed with unhappy husbands. Warner, a writer and journalist, returned to the United States after living a becoming a mother abroad and was shocked to find the mothers she met here living lives of quiet desperation. Mothers working outside the home were cruelly burdened with double-duty workdays and nights punctuated by anxiety and guilt; stay-at-home moms often seemed overwhelmed and depressed." -The Perfect Madness

I was at a local bookstore the other day and a book caught my eye. It was called, The perfect madness, mothering in an age of anxiety, By Judith Warner. I imagine you know why this title would catch my eye. 1. I am a mom, 2. I have anxiety and 3. I am mad (sometimes)
I am almost finished with the book but I have to write about it now. The author has taken a look at our society since the 50's up until now and has interviewed thousands of moms on the topic of being a mom. There is so much in this book, my thoughts may seem scattered as I fritter to and fro. She starts out by sharing the results of interviews with moms. Mostly upper middle class. Ok ok, gotta back up. The author lived in France for several years as a mom. In France there is government assistance for nannies, day care, schooling, doctors etc. There are also various grants to help out families. She stated that a mom is never "alone" in her parenting. There are numerous resources for the mom to be a healthy, complete, balanced and happy mom. Once she returned to the states she was amazed at the anxiety level of mothers who work outside the home as well as stay at home moms. She realized that our society has made it near impossible to be a parent without an enormous amount of pressure. Pressure to teach your child to read before kindergarten, to search for the best educational toys, to spend quality time with your child as well as quanity time, to assume that it is your responsibility to have your kids in various activities that require driving to and from, to take your child to the "experts" if your child is appearing a bit slow, to pursue the best education regardless of cost and the list goes on and on. Moms talked about how they are up at dawn, getting their kids ready for school, getting their own excerise in, finding forgotten homework assignments, putting together last minute projects all before the day really starts. The topic of the lack of government support there is for families comes up. The rise in medication for kids that aren't able to sit very long in class for their teachers, the rise in medication for moms to just get through the day is talked about. The fact that in large cities a one income family means the father is working 60+ hours a week and ends still aren't being met is a common thread. Moms often feel like they are failures in some capacity if their children don't have the right blend of social activities and friends. If she doesn't use the 0-3 years of age to fill her baby with as much learning material as possible she has set him up for a life time of struggles. If she turns on the TV for any amount of time she has filled her daughter with dangerous body image problems. Warner touches on everything from eating disorders to food allergies, from private school to home schooling. She doesn't exactly offer an opinion, she more presents these truths. As I said I haven't read the last chapter yet and am secretly hoping she will offer the cure all for it, but I doubt I'll find that in the last pages. What this book has done is opened my eyes! I remember having to find every piece of Jimmy Neutron party ware for Beckets 4 year birthday, I gave in to getting Tansy LOTS of Groovy Girl stuff to play with, I taught her how to write her name before she was 2 and a half, I had them in rock climbing class at 4 years of age, swimming lessons by 6 months, soccer, t-ball, karate, library story hour every week, toddler class for socialization, kindermusic and the list goes on and on. I set up such high standards for myself as the mom, if I didn't take advantage of those times to play music to open the math part of their brains, or to read to them while still in the womb I was guilty of not giving them a good start in life. How many moms are truly living a life without any anxiety or exhaustion or just plain apathy. Our society has turned into a society that accepts the sacrificial mom as a norm. And if you are not putting your children first in EVERYTHING then you aren't not really a nurturing parent. Ok, so here's where I'm changing my views of my own momminess. If Becket doesn't love reading as much as his parents do and struggles with it, he's not going to end up robbing liquor stores. If Tansy watches television she isn't going to become an anorexic model. If Andrew continues to throw major tantrums in the store I am NOT going to die there on the spot and melt into nothingness. If I only homeschool 2 hours one day and 1 the next, the school district will not come and arrest me. We only own 1 car, and a small one at that. It doesn't have a DVD player in it. Herman gets off work at 2 in the afternoon. I will ignore the kids for an hour or two to read a good book. I will allow Andrew to cry in his crib until his two hours of nap time are over. I will take a bubble bath at 6 pm while the kids are playing in the living room if I need to. And in the summer I will lay on my hammock telling the kids they aren't allowed to talk to me till my alone time is done. I will pretend I live in France and will follow their idea that if a mom isn't happy, then her kids won't be happy either. It's not about me becoming a selfish mom, it's about me protecting my family from a society that has dictated far too long that in order to produce productive functioning children the parents need to die a slow emotional death.

"Perfect Madness offers a rich and provocative history of contemporary American culture. It thoroughly examines why mothers who appear to have everything are feeling exhausted and dissatisfied and powerless. It explores how the current generation of moms became a generation of control freaks convinced they must handle everything alone......Warner provides a context in which to understand the way we live now and to imagine an alternative way of life. She argues that all of us-men, women, society at large--need to demand more support for our families: from our government, from our workplaces, and from one another."

Oh no! I forgot the tradition!

2005-11-25T10:36:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful Thanksgiving day and night we had. I hosted it at my house with just my parents in attendance. Each dish was especially good and the day was spent with watching old movies, new movies, walking in the dark looking at lights and just relaxing. We sat down to dinner and were just getting ready to eat when Herman looks at me and whispers "don't we have any bread?" I at first was about to smack him for being so selfish when there were so many other wonderful dishes. "He wants bread too? The nerve of him to ask" Then I realized I had been planning a wonderful new tradition this year. We were to write what we were thankful for and bake them into crescent rolls. Then at dinner we would break them open, read them and guess who wrote them. I bragged about this to everyone and the kids were so excited. I even planned my thankfulness thought out. Then it came to me, the papers that were never written on, had NOT been baked in the two packages of crescent rolls that were still sitting in the fridge. I can't believe I forgot to do this! Becket then says, "What does Thanksgiving mean anyway?" I, weary from cooking and thinking, said, "I really don't want to go into it right now" Herman then says, "Well, that's a homeschooling question ." Which was followed with, "And you are the homeschooling mom"-from Tansy. Needless to say, not only did I forget to make everyone else be thankful, I forgot to be thankful myself and apparently forgot to teach my child what the meaning of Thanksgiving is. I had him watch the Snoopy Thanksgiving special instead. Hopefully he gleaned something from that, if nothing else he learned that your pet dog will serve you only popcorn and toast and save the turkey for him and the bird to eat when you are gone. (Big sigh) Was that wrong? (rhetorical question obviously)
"Thanks" for listening.

You know you watch too much "CSI" when....

2005-11-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was snuggling into my bed for the evening I turned on CSI to watch. There was a Thanksgiving theme on it and it was actually disgusting me as I watched. I started to drift off to sleep and turned the TV off. I had a restless night waking at 4:30 when my hubby wakes, and tossing and turning till 6:30-when I finally got up. I was brushing my teeth and looking at the toothbrushes in the holder. A thought came to my mind, "I wonder what a CSI would think about us seeing these toothbrushes" then I started a mock dialogue from the blond to one of the guys. "Hmm, looks like there were several children in the family. From the looks of these toothbrushes, there doesn't seem to be an adult living here. Oh, this one is a boys, look at all the built up toothpaste. This one is deffinently a first born girl, notice how clean it is and how it is kept separate from the others so it doesn't get dirty from them....." Now here is the real senario. There are 9 toothbrushes in this bathroom. My husbands is in our other bathroom. SpongeBob belongs to the baby, Violet-incredible blue belongs to Becket (7) as does blue striped weird handle (both came from a Halloween carnival), blue dot and new Power Ranger are also his (one from previous dentist appt. and recent dental appt.) Orange striped alone on the counter belongs to Tansy (9) as well as purple "violet-incredible" and old green colorful one. Mine is from my most recent dentist appt. They happened to run out of adult brushes, just my luck. Seems there weren't any girls left either. So in addition to these many brushes is mine-a blue Mr. Incredible child's toothbrush. Yah, CSI would have a ball with this.

"Can you pass me a napkin please?"

2005-11-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

"Depression is a tough thing to deal with; I have dealt with my fair share as I am sure almost everyone has who has existed on this earth. The important thing to remember is that God allows all things to help us work out our salvation. He is not the author of evil, but allows us to endure trials to help us struggle a little. This has different results for each person since everyone deals with different passions. But the God who made you and fashioned you in your mother's womb knew you would come to this point. God is with us! You struggle through the tough times, Gods grace comes to comfort and fortify you and then another struggle comes. That is that way and how it has been for over 2,000 years. That is why the Orthodox Church is called the hospital for the soul.-Matthew"

This was a comment on another blog of mine. I don't know if he knew I had been struggling or not. He actually commented after a "discussion on death" posting. (not a morbid discussion)
But I have been struggling, hard. I've been fighting some potent anxiety with a cup of depression poured in. There are noantecedentss though, nothing physical to set me off. But something is amiss in me. I'm not onantidepressantss so I fight my battles with natural and spiritual weapons. I find that I grab onto God tighter during these moments. I have to confess I don't feel Him though, but nontheless I still hold tight to Him. I rest my head on His icon as if I'm resting on His shoulder. I gaze into His eyes looking for a ray of hope. I pray with tears streaming down knowing He's hearing but wishing He would physically wipe them away. I read beautiful stories about Him and about His saints. I feel encouraged by their words and instruction.
But still even a good piece of steak can have some tough parts, some disgusting fat that you accidently bite, but are tooembarrassedd to spit back out onto your plate. So you smile and chew and chew and chew till you can discretely push the mess out of your mouth into your napkin without anyone noticing. So here I sit. I've been chewing for two weeks now and my jaws hurt so here you have it. A big fat piece of chewed up fatty grizzle that I'm spitting out right in front of you.
I am sad. I don't know why, but I am just sad. I am afraid, of what? I haven't a clue. My chest hurts and I'm told to stop eating before bed it's heartburn. I don't wanna. I like eating in bed late at night. It's not heartburn it's stress! I'm told to put the kids in public school, it's too hard on me. Nope, not even worth a discussion there. I'm tired, I'm fatigued, I'm pooped, but the dishes still have to get done and the livingroom picked up. The sun isn't out very much anymore and it's cold out. I've brought my lawn lounge inside though and placed it right in front of our big front windows. Herman is embarrassed. I lay on it with my big fleece blanket facing out. I imagine I'm on a beach and it's just overcast. Who am I kidding, it doesn't really work. I have to remember that this season has to come. It can't be Spring without Winter or Fall. This is a season of things dying back, going dormant. If I don't shut down for spiritual pruning I'll have worthless growth. So this is my season and it sucks and I just want to scream "BITE ME!"
big sigh
Excuse me now while I place my napkin tactfully back onto my lap and continue my meal with grace. Forgive my rude behavior.

"............. The important thing to remember is that God allows all things to help us work out our salvation. He is not the author of evil, but allows us to endure trials to help us struggle a little. This has different results for each person since everyone deals with different passions. But the God who made you and fashioned you in your mother's womb knew you would come to this point. God is with us! You struggle through the tough times, Gods grace comes to comfort and fortify you and then another struggle comes. That is that way and how it has been for over 2,000 years. That is why the Orthodox Church is called the hospital for the soul."

Just a snack

2005-11-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's about midnight when I finally decide to try and fall asleep last night. Herman had been snoozing for about 2 hours and was snoring now. If you have ever shared a room, cell, or even city with him you know how loud his snoring can be. In the past I have pushed his head sideways to distrupt his snoring but he tends to not like that. So now I whisper, "Honey, turn over, turn over.....on your side......turn over!" He wakes enough to say "oh, ok, now what do you want me to do over here?" I cracked up and said, "Uhhh, make me a sandwich?" He remembers waking and me telling him to roll over but he doesn't remember the rest of our "conversation". Sometimes it's worth it just to lie awake in hopes of him sleep talking. Better that then sleepwalking.

Traditions

2005-11-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year again, when families and friends follow yearly traditions. Having recently attended a "home party" for making family traditions I was brought to the realization that we really don't have any. When asked what we do for traditions, all I could say was, "Uhhh, eat turkey on TG, celebrate Easter when the rest of the world doesn't (Pascha) and fast on Christmas (old calendar)" Pretty uneventful. Well I became this consultants best customer-I started stocking up on tradition planning paraphenalia. My kids 7 and 9 are craving family tradition and family time. One thing we have now is called the "family fun box". In it are small slips of paper that the whole family has contributed. The idea is to take an idea from the box and do that activity as a family. Now mind you everyone has written their ideas on these papers so they range from, playing baseball at a local park to taking a death march (long walk) with Mommy. From having a picnic on a Wednesday to taking a family nap (Hermans idea). We haven't yet pulled a paper though, I'm kind of scared. I really don't want to have to play "spies building forts in the bushes" or freezing my patutty off pretending to enjoy a picnic in the middle of a rain storm. I may try to put in a "read a good book in your own room for 3 hours" slip, but I think Tansy (9) will catch on to that one. Another cool thing I have though is called "lessons for little ones" Becket asked if he was one of the little ones. These are monthly ideas that come with a little recipe, craft project, idea and frame. So for TG this year we may start a new tradition- a real one. As people show up to your house you give them a slip of paper to write one thing they are thankful for on. Then you take those slips and bake them into rolled up crescent rolls ( haven't checked the catch on fire aspect yet) then at dinner each person takes a roll and reads what was written, then they try and figure out who wrote it. Another idea is to have a small card set at each place with a pen. Each person write a short thank you note to someone. These are put in stamped envelopes and taken to the mailbox as a family. You take a picture of everyone holding their cards to be sent and put it in the frame. Kind of cute, ok hokey for Herman and me to do but the kids will eat it up. We are anticipating inviting a neighbor who we don't know this year. Not sure how he'll feel about these "traditions" but maybe it will become a tradition to have him back each year. I guess it doesn't have to take a whole lot of planning, sometimes the tradition may just walk through your front door.

Alternative to Harry Potter

2005-11-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

When Harry Potter first came out I really tried to join the bandwagon. My sister bought me the first in the series and I looked forward to reading it. I expected some good wholesome literary fun. I was very disappointed. I got through 3 quarters of the book and finally had to put it down for good. From a purely literary stance I really thought the writing was weak, slow and unimpressive. It seemed this character stayed in one scene for chapters and chapters. I really tried, I did. And the one thing that was drawing me to it was the occult side, the "harmless" dark side. As a kid I loved everything about witches and magic. I wanted to make spells and potions. As I got older I still had the interest and dabbled, lightly, in white magic. So I really thought the Harry Potter series would appeal to me. I have other reasons now for not liking the Harry Potter movement. I'm told her writing has improved but I'm not willing to test those waters again. I now have 3 children and see in my middle boy an interest in anything action packed, violent, and dark. He writes stories that always has someone loosing their life. He also has a secret longing to experience the Harry Potter scene. But I can't, as a parent, introduce him to this potentially engaging aspect of the spiritual realm. I had to ask myself what else about Harry Potter bothered me. It is the fact that little boys and girls everywhere can now pretend to be wizards, warlocks and witches. They can playfully cast spells on each other and unlock a door to an unknown world. A world that seems harmless but can lead to path filled with confusion. I think the reason it's such a hit is that it is something tangible for people to grab onto. They want to instantly stop their pain or instantly bring forth goodness and riches. I thought casting spells would bring me the boy of my dreams, and I thought that using potions would protect me from evil and bad things. I may have been only playing but deep inside there was that hope that it would really work. I think all kids start out playing innocently enough then something inside of them starts to wish it was real for them. I'm not against good versus evil at all, I'm against using the occult for amusing my children.
I have, however found an alternative to the magical world for my children to ponder. I recently read Inkheart by Cornelia Funke. I originally got this book for my daughter to read while on vacation and recently picked it up myself and wasn't able to put it down till I finished it. My daughters book mark quickly was catching up with mine as she saw me getting excited as I read. The book ended up having a third book mark-my 7 year old boys who is just starting to read. I found the writing to not be insulting to the reader. It was thoughtful and stretched ones vocabulary. It wasn't predictable and left you almost skipping lines to get to the next page. I don't like fantasy but this was a world that was almost believable and that made it fun.
Here is a summary:
A father has the power to pull characters out of books when he reads aloud. He doesn't try to, it just happens. He was reading a book called Inkheart and ended up reading out a whole slew of bad characters that don't want to go back to their own world. So they make a world for themselves here. The fathers daughter ends up having the gift as well, and she is captured by the leader to read aloud to bring out a very nasty character to do some dirty work. Her mother had accidently been read back into the book 9 years earlier and became a prisoner of the leader. The author of the book is sought out to change the characteristics of the bad one that is being read out and in the end the village comes alive with trolls, fairies and little glass men. It's a great ending. It has snippets at the beginning of each chapter of other works of fiction. You'll meet Peter Pan and Tom Sawyer and others.
The only "magic" a child is going to emulate from this book is reading aloud and that's imaginative play I like to encourage. The book is about 500 pages long and it's the first of a trilogy. So basically this book has good guys, bad guys, street performers, fairies, trolls, suspense, tragedy and tastefully done literary magic.

These are a few of my favorite things

2005-11-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

I love steak! A really good steak with lots of flavor. Cooked medium well, yes I know this cooks out some of the flavor but that's the way I like it. I love it with all kinds of toppings, mushrooms and bacon, butter, herbs etc. I love it marinated and cooked on the grill. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.
I love pizza! Pepperoni for me! Deep dish with just the right amount of sauce. A sprinkle of sugar in the dough and tomatoes chopped up on the sauce. Only mozzarella cheese no mixture for me please.
These are two of my favorite things.
This blog reflects both styles of my favorites. Sometimes I may have some meaty stuff for you to read, and sometimes I may just have some good old fashioned junk food. That is what makes up life. A little of the serious with a lot of junk, or a little junk with a big cup of serious folded in. It is what makes up me! One might come to my house expecting a "steak dinner" and we end up filling the night with "pizza". Or one may only want a snack and I start thawing the "steak." You never know what to expect in life or going to someone's house for dinner or reading my blog. So stop by often when you are hungry, you may find something to whet your appetite.